It’s been a while since I posted due to a much needed break for both mental and physical reasons. I mentioned in my last post that I just wasn’t the same anymore and that I was dealing with some fears and certainly some things I just wasn’t ready to discuss with the world. At that time I thought I was actually dying, not for any physical reasons, but because my mental state was just off. As I mentioned previously I had put off living and it was overnight that I changed my habits to simply doing. With that, I felt that my life was fast-tracked. I had the need to simply do and I could not figure out why, or the reason for the sudden onset, so I thought perhaps I was dying. They say when folks are dying they tend to know. I have heard others in the past who went skydiving or even backpacking because they “knew” their lives were coming to an end, so I thought I fit the bill, however, I have now come to identify my behavior and changes to PTSD. If you are unfamiliar with PTSD, it stands for Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. It typically develops after a person has experienced or witnessed a traumatic or terrifying event. It is known to have lasting consequences and most often occurs within the first 3 months of a traumatic event, however, for some (like myself), it can occur even years later. I realized I had many traumatic events that occurred back to back.
After thinking about it, I realized that I had a house fire where I lost everything and had to start over from scratch which sent me into overdrive to find a new home. Once we bought a new house it was shortly after that I was diagnosed with cancer. I had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer and I then had another cancer scare. Once that was cleared up I was told if I ever wanted a chance to have children I needed to try immediately. What a whirlwind of events and emotions. After I sat down and considered all of this I thought, it's no wonder my life has been in overdrive and I feel like this. I never had the opportunity to deal with each situation and they all hit me at once. I can say that after a much needed break and prayer over the summer I am so much better.
