FAITH to FIGHT the UNBEATABLE....

 

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will ne impossible for you." Matthew 17:20
I went in on New Year’s Eve 2014 for my MRI which took nearly two hours. They took images with both contrast and non contrast. As I laid on the table prior to dosing off, I began to pray. I prayed this time however, that the Lord have His way. I prayed that no matter what they found I would stand on God’s promises and that I would trust the process. I prayed that whatever fear or doubt that consumed me that by the time I got up from the table I would leave them there. I dozed off during the exam and by the time they woke me I rose with such a renewed spirit, with such pep in my step. I rose knowing that if I just had faith that He can heal, cure and fight the unbeatable, He will certainly do it.

 A few days later I called my OBGYN to make an appointment to get the results of the MRI. When I got to her office later that week I can vividly recall sitting at her desk and how she maneuvered over to her desk to pull up the results. She did a once over of the pictures and read the results from the MRI techs to herself. It was as if I could read her mind and I knew she was stunned and really at a loss for words. She sat quietly for a time and then said, "Jasmine, I'm not sure what the techs are telling me. Usually the pictures and their notes help us determine what kind of tumor it is." She showed me the pictures and I noted what the tumor looked like, but that didn't have any variance on me as I didn’t really know what I was looking for. I did notice that the tumor was a nice size and it seemed dense in nature. I wasn't quite sure what that all meant and it was apparent my doctor didn't either, or perhaps she didn't want to say without confirming with someone else. I was reminded that the ca125 test came back negative and although the chances were "less likely" to be cancer, I tried to put cancer out of my mind. My doctor finally said, “I will need to think on this and follow up with you." 

 About a week later she called and said, “Jasmine, this has literally kept me up every night reviewing the images from your MRI and I finally realized what the techs are trying to tell me. What they are saying is that there isn’t a normal ovary on your left ovary and whatever kind of tumor this is it has taken over your entire ovary. As a result I want to perform surgery to remove it as we do not know what kind of tumor this is. Think about it over the weekend and let me know what you decide”.

We talked a few minutes longer discussing some of my concerns and upon hanging up I immediately spoke with my husband and said, “I'm not having a surgery. I never had one all my life and I'm not getting ready to start”. My husband said, “Jasmine you really need to reconsider. I want you to have this surgery as a preventative measure. Anytime your doctor calls with this kind of concern you should take it very seriously. I don't want to lose my wife and I certainly don't want a doctor telling me that my wife has six months to live because she didn't have a preventative surgery”. After speaking with him I settled on scheduling the surgery. I was still a bit torn but faith...

Induction of Ovulation

 

"Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord." Luke 1:45

It seemed that I was in the doctor’s office every week at this point. I went back yet again and my doctor informed me that the results of the CA 125 had come back negative. I thought ok, here is a great sign, maybe this is a non cancerous tumor that I have been reading up on. My OBGYN reminded me, that though the results were negative it didn’t mean it wasn’t cancerous it just meant it was less likely to be cancerous. I was able to confirm my MRI appointment for New Year's Eve which was a few weeks out because the hospital didn't have many appointments available. I also left the doctor with pregnitude because my OBGYN and I had initially discussed my desire to conceive. She explained pregnitude and the benefits of it. Pregnitude is a doctor recommended dietary supplement especially formulated for reproductive health. It is recognized as a viable non prescription option for women who may be having difficulty conceiving as it can help promote regular ovulation, support regular menstrual cycles and increase quality of eggs. I went home and of course, did my own research online and read many great things about it. I discussed it with my husband and then we decided that in the future maybe this could be a viable option for us. But in the meantime we had this bigger issue lurking in the background and we wanted to get that cleared up prior to even thinking about starting a family.

I was now having regular cycles thanks to the progesterone my doctor had prescribed weeks before. My body at this point was responding quite well to it and this was yet another great sign. My prescription was written for me to take for seven days and after that point my cycle should breakthrough. Basically, my doctor explained that this hormone tricks your body into believing you have ovulated and quite naturally, if you are not pregnant you will then have a cycle. After about 4-5 days each month my cycle broke through and I didn't have a need to take the progesterone for the amount of time prescribed. 

 I was now on both progesterone that my OBGYN had prescribed and metformin that my primary care doctor had prescribed. It seemed as though everything was working as it should and I was even able to shed a couple pounds in that timeframe. Both of these medications did exactly what they were supposed to do and that was to induce ovulation.

Those days leading up to my MRI appointment seemed to go by very slowly and I tried to not let doubt, worry and fear consume me. I had some distractions in there with the holidays and I simply tried to make the best of it. After Christmas was over, this appointment which would ultimately determine whether the tumor I had was cancerous or not, constantly stayed on my mind....

 

 

 

LORD, I AM SENDING BACK TO YOU WHAT I CAN NOT REPAIR...

 

My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight,
keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. Proverbs 4:20-22

In November I had an annual Pap smear appointment scheduled with a new doctor as I mentioned in a previous post, and I honestly didn't know what to expect. Really, I guess I expected more of the same. I figured I would meet yet another doctor who examined me, told me I needed to lose weight and told me to take birth control. Well, I was shocked when my name was called and I wasn't sent to a regular examining room and told to get undressed. Instead I was invited into the OBGYN’s office which I later learned is standard practice at her office with new patients to develop a relationship and to discuss family and medical history. Boy, was I impressed!

In speaking with the doctor I informed her how just the month prior I was diagnosed with PCOS (PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome) and was now taking metformin, which is a drug that is usually given to diabetics, but also prescribed to women with PCOS because it helps regulate blood glucose levels and reverses the insulin resistance that many women with PCOS have. Insulin resistance is also what usually causes much of the weight gain and metformin is said to help patients lose weight. My OBGYN agreed that I may have PCOS based on my symptoms as I've described in a previous post. She stated that she wanted to confirm and she would need to do so via a transvaginal ultrasound and her tech had already gone home so I would need to come back the next week. Of course, I went back the next week for the ultrasound and ultimately this is where the conversation shifted. Prior to my appointment my OBGYN explained that if I did have PCOS I would have a lot of fluid filled sacs on my ovaries. Well, as this machine so uncomfortably probed my insides, I just had a sense that something wasn't right. I'm not sure if it was the amount of time it took for the exam, or that it seemed like the ultrasound tech kept trying to get better images of something, but because this was my first test and it was so hard for me to read her face I tried to shake the feeling. Once it was done and I was fully dressed my OBGYN called me back to her office and this is when the conversation as folks say, “got real”. My doctor said, “Well Jasmine, we didn't find the fluid filled sacs, but we did find a solid mass tumor on your left ovary and we do not know what it is at this time. At this point I want you to do a CA 125 test which helps us determine if it's cancerous or not and as a follow-up I want to get you scheduled for an MRI which will also help determine what kind of tumor it is.”

Once again I left yet another doctor’s appointment not knowing my fate or what was to come, but I do know I left praying that the tumor wasn't cancerous. I went home with a pamphlet of different forms of tumors, so I spent much of that evening going over it and of course, turning to Google. I worked myself up and at that moment a song dropped in my spirit called, “Fix What is Broken”. The lyrics that stood out the most and that I sang for several days were, “Lord, I am sending back to you what I cannot repair so you can fix what is broke, fix whatever is broken up in me. Yes, He can heal what is broken, whatever is broken up in me, so I am sending it, sending it back.” I declared then that whatever it was that was broken, whatever that required healing, I would simply send back to my creator to fix it and rest in knowing that He would.

Did You Know?

This month I had initially decided to do two ovarian cancer walks, but after the first walk I honestly didn’t have the same motivation to do the second. I think most of it was due to the fact that I was still tired from the week before and I honestly couldn’t see how the second walk could top the experience I had with the first. All week long I mulled over this decision and finally, just a few days before the event I went to the person I knew would give me the best advice, my husband. When I asked his opinion on whether or not I should go he gave me a very good way of looking at things. He said that I should go for all of the right reasons which included not only to raise money and bring awareness to ovarian cancer, but more importantly to go and fellowship with other survivors because that is what it’s really about. He said I shouldn’t go unless I was going to make it about that; meeting other survivors and families of survivors and learning how they coped through diagnosis, survivorship and in some cases even loss. I thought, boy was he right! He told me, “You are writing a blog, even a book and it’s those stories that you can talk about and those folks who will understand what you’ve been through, unlike any of your friends and family”. I quickly settled on going at that point.

The morning of the event I was met with a much smaller team than before that included my mother and sister/cousin which I was very happy about because they were the best support system for the day I was getting ready to embark upon. When we got to the Detroit Zoo that morning (where the race was being held), we walked around to different tables that were set up by local vendors and fellow survivors. I met quite a bit of folks, told my story and even heard others’. We took our time around the course and enjoyed the zoo animals along the way, but although we had a pleasant time taking pictures and enjoying the animals, I couldn’t forget what I had set out to accomplish that day. Those very words my husband said kept replaying in my mind. As we were walking one of the very first signs I came across was the one above that asked, Did you know? Of those diagnosed with ovarian cancer approximately 10% are under the age of 40? And I thought what an interesting fact that was and how I was a part of that number.

Just about midway through the race I encountered a family who recognized me from the week before who stopped me and asked about my survivor story. She explained that her mother was the survivor and that she and her family were walking on her behalf. She told me that her mom was first diagnosed 5 years ago and in those five years it had come back three times and this last time her body was not responsive to the chemo. I offered her advice as I only knew how, which was to tell her that one, her mother was blessed because of her support, her mom was still here and as many of us know, the 5 year survivor rate decreases significantly for those with stage 3 or above ovarian cancer, so she was already a winner and finally, to keep her focus and hope on the one who can heal (God) and not the problem.

Shortly after as I was meandering through the zoo lost in my own thoughts about the story I had just heard, I happened to look up and noticed another family in front of me. What I noticed first were the signs that said: “I am walking for”. All of their signs said, “I am walking for Rachel” in various ways such as “for my daughter Rachel”, “my niece Rachel” and even “for my wife Rachel”. When I got to the one on Rachel’s’ husband I noticed that he was a younger guy which then made me look around for Rachel and I spotted a young lady who looked about my age. My mom must have noticed at the same time because she spoke up and said that I should talk to her because she looked about my age. I approached her and to be honest she seemed rather apprehensive to speak with me for some reason, but I pressed on because I knew there was a reason I had come across her and the bigger purpose of why I was there that day. In speaking with her I learned that she was a seven year survivor and had been diagnosed with the very rare form of ovarian cancer that I was. We were both diagnosed with Granulosa Cell Tumor. She was initially diagnosed at 23 and was now 30. I learned that she had found out that she had it after experiencing some pain while planning her wedding. She said she was so afraid she would lose all of her hair before her wedding, but later learned that like me, she didn’t need any chemo or radiation and would be able to keep all of her hair for her big day. She pointed to her three girls and said that she was even able to have three kids after losing one ovary. Her first child was born nine months after her surgery. We took a picture and both went on our way. I left thinking, “Wow, this is the reason I came here today”. I thought back about how she said it had been 7 years and just last month she was deemed as cured and her doctors had kicked her out. God is so good. I’m thankful that I crossed paths with her; someone in my age group, someone who was diagnosed with the same form of ovarian cancer, someone who has done something I also desire, to conceive naturally, and finally, someone who fell within the confines of the 10% under 40, but now defined as cured.

I dedicate this post to my husband because he’s my biggest advocate and truly a blessing. I’m so thankful to him and his leadership that pushed me to go on the walk to meet survivors and families of survivors.

 

Rachel and I