VULNERABILITY = STRENGTH

Have you ever been in such a place of vulnerability? A place where you depended on someone for everything? If you find yourself answering, “No”, I too, had never been there either. This place was foreign to me. If you are anything like me then you know that this was a hard place to be. I was 25, a cancer patient and I needed help bathing, using the bathroom, getting up and down from the bed and even walking. I never imagined being in this place and knew I didn’t want to stay long. When the nurses pushed me every day to use my muscles, to get out of bed to walk at least three times a day, I did even when it hurt because I desperately wanted my freedom and independence back. I must admit this was the hardest place for me to be because I’m a very prideful person and I can’t recall the last time I asked someone for help, but I realized everything happened for a reason. Sometimes God needs to get our attention, to slow us down for awhile to help us see what is or was important. Simply put: I learned my vulnerability was my strength. This vulnerability was a place I needed to be comfortable with and learn to reside in this year. I needed it to march me into the things God has called me to do. He used this surgery to show me just that. It’s OK not to know everything, it’s OK to ask for help, to depend on others, and the biggest for me, is to let others in. He couldn’t use me until I let my guard down and started sharing my struggles and come out of my own box.

I spent a week in the hospital learning to embrace this change. Learning that even in my own marriage I had put on armor, a defense that I had it all together, that I didn’t need help. In that week of prayer I began releasing my vulnerability in prayer with God and asked for strength to do it in all of my relationships beginning with my marriage and also in friendships. I’ve experienced so much growth in this area this year and I’m so glad all of this came from the fact I needed care for simple basic needs.

I knew God needed me to get to this place for growth so that He could position me in a place to be a mouthpiece for Him. So He stripped me of the very thing that stood in the way of me and His people, my own self, my pride. I had heard from God years ago to step out in ministry, to tell my story to others, but I was disobedient because it required me to open myself and my life to others and I wasn’t ready to do it. Well I’m now in a place where I feel like I have no other choice. I recall the first day I began telling people I was an ovarian cancer survivor, the day I put it on social media to tell others about God’s saving grace, the fact that after all I had been through I didn’t look like it. I looked untouched. That’s because of His grace and mercy and ultimately my obedience to His will. My vulnerability became my biggest blessing and I pray that because of it those blessings spill over unto others, my readers, my followers online and those near and dear to me as well.

Enjoy the Present!

 This time last year I was recently diagnosed with PCOS and my OBGYN found a solid mass tumor on my ovary and she hoped to determine what it was by doing a CT SCAN which was scheduled for New Year’s Eve last year. Though I had this looming over my head around the holidays instead of worrying and being consumed with doubt and fear I instead pursued peace, joy and harmony which is what this season is all about. I encourage you to do the same if you are in a place of uncertainty, a place of fear of the unknown or anything that may be looming over you.

If you find yourself in a place where you feel consumed with confusion, boxed in by burdens and starting to accept apathy remember that where you are now is not where you will end for even Christ was born in a manger and yet through that miracle God birthed the Messiah who came so that we may find peace, wholeness and the true definition of love. So today and throughout this season enjoy the present!

Merry CHRISTmas and Happy Holidays from Jasmine at TEALWEOVERCOME!

Feature in Belinda Sue Fund Year-End Newsletter

Please click or copy this link below to read the excerpt written up about me. Thanks again to the Belinda Sue Fund for featuring me and helping me get out my story and to bring awareness to this disease and certainly highlighting the fact that this disease does not discriminate.


http://files.ctctcdn.com/efa2c6f7201/99dd75aa-ce67-4e7a-a13d-939218d93b88.pdf

Those Sleepless Nights

 

On March 9th, I was again preparing to make my way to the hospital for surgery #2. This time I knew more of what to expect. I was informed that this surgery would be a lot more extensive than the last. In my first surgery they made three small incisions robotically which meant healing could take place a lot faster. This time, however, I was expected to be out of work for 6 weeks and internal healing would take up to 8 months. I went into the hospital just like the last time not knowing when I would be able to go home. I did expect to stay a day or two based off of my last experience. I was in surgery for nearly three hours. Upon waking up I learned they had removed the rest of the left ovary, left fallopian tube, omentum, appendix and 18 lymph nodes, and although granulosa cell tumors are typically unilateral (affecting only one ovary) he did survey my right side where he found a cyst on that ovary as well and burst it. I woke up in much more pain than I remembered the last time. And as before, I was greeted with friends and family who supported me throughout this journey.

Night one: I spent alone trying to sleep as often as I could between nurses who needed blood work, just wanted to check on me, or were providing pain medications and checking for clots or any other abnormalities. I was alone although I had a roommate. But I was alone in this hospital without my husband. He couldn’t stay because hospital policy didn’t allow it if I had a roommate and so I spent many hours that night and what turned into a week in the hospital talking to God. I found solace during those late hours when everyone else was sleeping, talking to the only one who held my future in the palm of His hands. The only one who could give me peace in this time of storm. A reason to smile although I didn’t know what lay ahead, but He did. So I spent many hours praying, reading scriptures, journaling my thoughts and writing an autobiography. 

 I don’t think I mentioned that the two weeks between surgery 1 and 2 I recalled looking at myself in the mirror for the first time in a while and it was at that moment that the Lord spoke to me. I was reminded that many years ago as a kid I was given a vision that “when I grew up” I would be an author and would write an autobiography and once I got older those thoughts would come to mind, but I told myself that my life was too boring. Most people who write books have gone through something and I haven’t had a hard enough life, so I always put that dream on the back burner. Well, be careful what you say! LOL That was the day the title of my book came to me and I immediately pulled out my iPad and began writing: How I got OVA: Coping through Catastrophe with Christ. I spent those sleepless nights in the hospital writing this book that I pray will bless someone else.

Preparation for Surgery #2

 

In the two weeks between my surgeries I took it easy and slept quite a bit due to the pain medication I was prescribed. I also took this time to research the gynecologic oncologist that was recommended to me. I read rave reviews about him and one of the reviews that stood out was that someone specifically stated he had saved her life after she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. After reading this I felt more comfortable with him performing my surgery and also scheduled an appointment with him during this time per his request.

I researched granulosa cell tumor and ovarian cancer and wrote down all the questions I could think of to take to my appointment. I wanted to know what the recurrence percentage was; would I be having a fertility sparing surgery? Were chemo and radiation needed?

 I met with him and I spent nearly 2.5 hours in the waiting room which is what I was warned about via all the reviews I read. Most of his patients said, “Expect to wait. He is one of the best and as a result his office is always filled.” This time around he was very patient, provided great information and thoroughly answered my questions. However, that didn’t take away the fact that he was still very direct, but now I came to accept that is just the way he is. I assume when you deal with cancer patients over the years it’s best to be totally upfront and honest with them.

What I learned was that granulosa cell tumor is usually unilateral; meaning it typically only affects one ovary. With any cancer, reoccurrence is possible, but with this particular kind, the chances of reoccurrence are typically lower and usually happen much later in a life. He also informed me that needing chemo and/or radiation would depend on both of my pathology reports. He said the first report which I should have prior to my second surgery would help determine how aggressive the tumor was and certainly how fast it was growing. The second pathology report would help determine if the cancer had spread and I would have those details after the second surgery. He told me that I would soon have the results from my first surgery. He then examined both my incisions and did a pap smear as well, which I have now come to learn he does every time you meet with him. If you are a woman you know how much fun that can be. ;)

It was nearing my second surgery and I still hadn’t heard from his office on the results from my pathology report and I started becoming a bit impatient and worried, so I decided to give his office a call. I spoke with his nurse who read over my report with me. She, like him, said some very technical words to explain everything, but in simplest terms what she said was that the tumor was not very aggressive, it was slow growing and on a scale of 1-10 it was less than a 2 on the rate of growth. That was the best news in all of this I had heard so far. I spent that evening rejoicing and praying. I prayed a simple prayer of thanks because although things weren’t perfect I still serve a perfect God and I knew that He was in the details. This was one way He showed me just that and I believed and prayed that the second surgery would go just as well and that the results of that pathology report would be great news.

 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

On this Thanksgiving I'm thankful for each of you who reads my blog along with those of you who share it. I'm thankful for life, both the ups and downs. I'm thankful for strength. I'm thankful for my health. I'm thankful for the support of both friends and family that I’ve experienced like never before this year. I'm thankful that I'm still here to share my story. I'm thankful for the guidance and the wisdom I received from the Holy Spirit which caused me to go to the doctor last year and ultimately lead to the early detection of this disease.

To sum it up; I'm thankful in tribulation, jubilation, restoration and certainly in elevation.

I pray that each of you have a happy and safe Thanksgiving and remember that we don't have to wait until this day each year to show our thanks.

WHEN CAN I GO HOME?!

On February 23^rd I went to a local hospital where my surgery was scheduled. I checked in about an hour prior to the scheduled time and waited in the waiting room with my family. Shortly after, my name was called for surgery prep. The time spent back there seemed like eternity. I was briefed by the nurses and learned my OBGYN was running late for the surgery. When she finally arrived she asked if I had any questions and I had just one. Will I be able to go home after my surgery? She informed me that usually this surgery is outpatient, but it just depended on how long the actual surgery took and how well I responded after the fact. The last things I remember after kissing my family good bye was that I was given a mask for anesthesia while being rolled to the operating room. Then right before I was totally unconscious, I can recall the surgeon team moving me from the gurney to the operating table and asking if I was ok. I must have been knocked out after that point because the next thing I remember was waking to an agonizing pain.

This is where I began my blog journey with my first post entitled, “It wasn’t a dream…it was my reality.” Here I described when I first was awakened from surgery. I was in a deep fog and I could hear someone calling my name, but I could not come to. This must have gone on for several minutes until I believe one of the nurses must have applied force to really awaken me. When I finally opened my eyes I looked up to about 4-5 nurses who then began asking me whether I had cancer in my family and if so, what kind and what ages were they when diagnosed. It was then I knew I had cancer. I was still heavily sedated and in much agonizing pain so none of that mattered much at the time. I recall being in the post op recovery room for some time and then being rolled into an actual hospital room where I had to be transferred into another bed.   That, by far, seemed like the most cruel and unusual pain I ever recall experiencing. I had to use every muscle in my body to slide from one bed to the next and I couldn’t fathom why this was required for two reasons. For one, how did they expect someone who just had surgery on their stomach to have to move? And two, when and why wasn’t I getting prepared to go home?

My family came in one at a time to visit me, but I was in too much pain to say much. I laid there silent in my own thoughts wondering how did I get there? What did this mean for my future? I prayed that my parents wouldn’t ever have to bury me. I hoped that my husband didn’t lose his wife, as we are too young for this. How do we move on from this? Will I need chemo and radiation? Will I lose all my hair? And finally, once again, when was I going home?

I tried talking to my husband to gain answers to the many questions running through my mind, but he was vague. He never really confirmed I had cancer, or maybe I was in denial. I really didn’t want to believe it. It wasn’t until later that night that I started getting more answers. That night the gynecologic oncologist stopped by and said, “Mrs. Bridges, we found a granulosa cell tumor on your ovary and it was removed, but a portion of your ovary is intact and we are going to remove it.” He said, “I will give you two weeks to heal from this surgery, but I’m going back in in another two weeks.“  He rambled on about some other things, but I couldn’t get past “granulosa tumor” and some other technical words he said. He was so curt, short and honest that I immediately disliked him. Didn’t he know that I had just had surgery? Couldn’t he spare my feelings? Couldn’t he have said things in a bit nicer way? I completely wrote him off and decided he wasn’t performing my surgery!

The very next morning my OBGYN paid me a visit and she truly knew how to deal with me. She was patient and took the time to really answer my questions. She explained that while in surgery they immediately knew it was a granulosa cell tumor and she immediately called the gynecologic oncologist, as he is one of the best. She explained she understood my concerns with him, but to give him another chance because he truly knows what he is doing. She said she left a small portion of my left ovary intact because it appeared to be normal, but she had removed the entire tumor, which she sent for testing. She confirmed that the gynecologic oncologist didn’t agree and wanted to remove the rest. She said the reason she didn’t remove it the first time was because they had gone in not knowing what they would find and by the time the gynecologic oncologist arrived I had already been under anesthesia for too long.  She explained that not only was it for my well-being, but that my family would be worried if I was in surgery for so many hours. She reconfirmed that I would be in surgery once again in another two weeks and that she would be checking on me. Before she left the room she said the words I had been longing to hear, I could go home!

I recalled a quote I read by Maya Angelou that says, “The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” Home was safe and I was happy to be going there.

 

 

God: The Problem Solver

During the weeks prior to my surgery I told very few people I was having the surgery simply because not everyone can handle what you are going through. I learned that very quickly. I had some friends who told me and nearly begged me not to have it. Some said that I should get a second opinion. It was then that I realized that I must be very careful who I talk to about very sensitive matters.

You have to realize that when God tells you things, others may not be quite on that level and they will have you second guessing things that God has already confirmed. You must be planted in your faith. For a few days my friend’s opinions mattered, but my faith was activated. I knew they meant well, but unless your faith is grounded and you are very sure of what you know you need to do, it’s best to simply talk to God.

I can recall now that one day prior to my surgery, my mom and I were at the gym and I told her how I was concerned about going into surgery and now I know that as much as my mom wanted to tell me not to do it, she simply said nothing. She, of course, didn't want to see her child in pain. She, of, course didn't want to see me agonizing over it and certainly she had her own fears, but she recognized that this was above her. She wasn't in a place to make this decision for me.  I didn't understand why she didn't say anything then, but I so appreciate it now. 

At this point I learned to keep quiet. I took all of my cares and concerns to God. He was the only one who could give me the comfort I was looking for. He was the only one who literally had the blueprint of my life. He knew then, like he knows now, how he was using this to help shape me into the person I am now today.

A year ago I would have never shared "my story" with anyone else. I wouldn't have developed the relationships that I have now. I now know that I have been given a ministry to use my story for His glory. It was then that I thought that you don't share your tests, fears or your problems until you have passed them, overcome them and solved them. 

If I had listened to those folks I wouldn't have been operating under the guidance of the Holy Spirit and ultimately my story could have been different. I'm so glad I put away doubt, overcame opinions, stopped focusing on the problem and hooked up with the problem solver. 

 

FAITH to FIGHT the UNBEATABLE....

 

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will ne impossible for you." Matthew 17:20
I went in on New Year’s Eve 2014 for my MRI which took nearly two hours. They took images with both contrast and non contrast. As I laid on the table prior to dosing off, I began to pray. I prayed this time however, that the Lord have His way. I prayed that no matter what they found I would stand on God’s promises and that I would trust the process. I prayed that whatever fear or doubt that consumed me that by the time I got up from the table I would leave them there. I dozed off during the exam and by the time they woke me I rose with such a renewed spirit, with such pep in my step. I rose knowing that if I just had faith that He can heal, cure and fight the unbeatable, He will certainly do it.

 A few days later I called my OBGYN to make an appointment to get the results of the MRI. When I got to her office later that week I can vividly recall sitting at her desk and how she maneuvered over to her desk to pull up the results. She did a once over of the pictures and read the results from the MRI techs to herself. It was as if I could read her mind and I knew she was stunned and really at a loss for words. She sat quietly for a time and then said, "Jasmine, I'm not sure what the techs are telling me. Usually the pictures and their notes help us determine what kind of tumor it is." She showed me the pictures and I noted what the tumor looked like, but that didn't have any variance on me as I didn’t really know what I was looking for. I did notice that the tumor was a nice size and it seemed dense in nature. I wasn't quite sure what that all meant and it was apparent my doctor didn't either, or perhaps she didn't want to say without confirming with someone else. I was reminded that the ca125 test came back negative and although the chances were "less likely" to be cancer, I tried to put cancer out of my mind. My doctor finally said, “I will need to think on this and follow up with you." 

 About a week later she called and said, “Jasmine, this has literally kept me up every night reviewing the images from your MRI and I finally realized what the techs are trying to tell me. What they are saying is that there isn’t a normal ovary on your left ovary and whatever kind of tumor this is it has taken over your entire ovary. As a result I want to perform surgery to remove it as we do not know what kind of tumor this is. Think about it over the weekend and let me know what you decide”.

We talked a few minutes longer discussing some of my concerns and upon hanging up I immediately spoke with my husband and said, “I'm not having a surgery. I never had one all my life and I'm not getting ready to start”. My husband said, “Jasmine you really need to reconsider. I want you to have this surgery as a preventative measure. Anytime your doctor calls with this kind of concern you should take it very seriously. I don't want to lose my wife and I certainly don't want a doctor telling me that my wife has six months to live because she didn't have a preventative surgery”. After speaking with him I settled on scheduling the surgery. I was still a bit torn but faith...

Induction of Ovulation

 

"Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord." Luke 1:45

It seemed that I was in the doctor’s office every week at this point. I went back yet again and my doctor informed me that the results of the CA 125 had come back negative. I thought ok, here is a great sign, maybe this is a non cancerous tumor that I have been reading up on. My OBGYN reminded me, that though the results were negative it didn’t mean it wasn’t cancerous it just meant it was less likely to be cancerous. I was able to confirm my MRI appointment for New Year's Eve which was a few weeks out because the hospital didn't have many appointments available. I also left the doctor with pregnitude because my OBGYN and I had initially discussed my desire to conceive. She explained pregnitude and the benefits of it. Pregnitude is a doctor recommended dietary supplement especially formulated for reproductive health. It is recognized as a viable non prescription option for women who may be having difficulty conceiving as it can help promote regular ovulation, support regular menstrual cycles and increase quality of eggs. I went home and of course, did my own research online and read many great things about it. I discussed it with my husband and then we decided that in the future maybe this could be a viable option for us. But in the meantime we had this bigger issue lurking in the background and we wanted to get that cleared up prior to even thinking about starting a family.

I was now having regular cycles thanks to the progesterone my doctor had prescribed weeks before. My body at this point was responding quite well to it and this was yet another great sign. My prescription was written for me to take for seven days and after that point my cycle should breakthrough. Basically, my doctor explained that this hormone tricks your body into believing you have ovulated and quite naturally, if you are not pregnant you will then have a cycle. After about 4-5 days each month my cycle broke through and I didn't have a need to take the progesterone for the amount of time prescribed. 

 I was now on both progesterone that my OBGYN had prescribed and metformin that my primary care doctor had prescribed. It seemed as though everything was working as it should and I was even able to shed a couple pounds in that timeframe. Both of these medications did exactly what they were supposed to do and that was to induce ovulation.

Those days leading up to my MRI appointment seemed to go by very slowly and I tried to not let doubt, worry and fear consume me. I had some distractions in there with the holidays and I simply tried to make the best of it. After Christmas was over, this appointment which would ultimately determine whether the tumor I had was cancerous or not, constantly stayed on my mind....

 

 

 

LORD, I AM SENDING BACK TO YOU WHAT I CAN NOT REPAIR...

 

My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight,
keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. Proverbs 4:20-22

In November I had an annual Pap smear appointment scheduled with a new doctor as I mentioned in a previous post, and I honestly didn't know what to expect. Really, I guess I expected more of the same. I figured I would meet yet another doctor who examined me, told me I needed to lose weight and told me to take birth control. Well, I was shocked when my name was called and I wasn't sent to a regular examining room and told to get undressed. Instead I was invited into the OBGYN’s office which I later learned is standard practice at her office with new patients to develop a relationship and to discuss family and medical history. Boy, was I impressed!

In speaking with the doctor I informed her how just the month prior I was diagnosed with PCOS (PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome) and was now taking metformin, which is a drug that is usually given to diabetics, but also prescribed to women with PCOS because it helps regulate blood glucose levels and reverses the insulin resistance that many women with PCOS have. Insulin resistance is also what usually causes much of the weight gain and metformin is said to help patients lose weight. My OBGYN agreed that I may have PCOS based on my symptoms as I've described in a previous post. She stated that she wanted to confirm and she would need to do so via a transvaginal ultrasound and her tech had already gone home so I would need to come back the next week. Of course, I went back the next week for the ultrasound and ultimately this is where the conversation shifted. Prior to my appointment my OBGYN explained that if I did have PCOS I would have a lot of fluid filled sacs on my ovaries. Well, as this machine so uncomfortably probed my insides, I just had a sense that something wasn't right. I'm not sure if it was the amount of time it took for the exam, or that it seemed like the ultrasound tech kept trying to get better images of something, but because this was my first test and it was so hard for me to read her face I tried to shake the feeling. Once it was done and I was fully dressed my OBGYN called me back to her office and this is when the conversation as folks say, “got real”. My doctor said, “Well Jasmine, we didn't find the fluid filled sacs, but we did find a solid mass tumor on your left ovary and we do not know what it is at this time. At this point I want you to do a CA 125 test which helps us determine if it's cancerous or not and as a follow-up I want to get you scheduled for an MRI which will also help determine what kind of tumor it is.”

Once again I left yet another doctor’s appointment not knowing my fate or what was to come, but I do know I left praying that the tumor wasn't cancerous. I went home with a pamphlet of different forms of tumors, so I spent much of that evening going over it and of course, turning to Google. I worked myself up and at that moment a song dropped in my spirit called, “Fix What is Broken”. The lyrics that stood out the most and that I sang for several days were, “Lord, I am sending back to you what I cannot repair so you can fix what is broke, fix whatever is broken up in me. Yes, He can heal what is broken, whatever is broken up in me, so I am sending it, sending it back.” I declared then that whatever it was that was broken, whatever that required healing, I would simply send back to my creator to fix it and rest in knowing that He would.

Did You Know?

This month I had initially decided to do two ovarian cancer walks, but after the first walk I honestly didn’t have the same motivation to do the second. I think most of it was due to the fact that I was still tired from the week before and I honestly couldn’t see how the second walk could top the experience I had with the first. All week long I mulled over this decision and finally, just a few days before the event I went to the person I knew would give me the best advice, my husband. When I asked his opinion on whether or not I should go he gave me a very good way of looking at things. He said that I should go for all of the right reasons which included not only to raise money and bring awareness to ovarian cancer, but more importantly to go and fellowship with other survivors because that is what it’s really about. He said I shouldn’t go unless I was going to make it about that; meeting other survivors and families of survivors and learning how they coped through diagnosis, survivorship and in some cases even loss. I thought, boy was he right! He told me, “You are writing a blog, even a book and it’s those stories that you can talk about and those folks who will understand what you’ve been through, unlike any of your friends and family”. I quickly settled on going at that point.

The morning of the event I was met with a much smaller team than before that included my mother and sister/cousin which I was very happy about because they were the best support system for the day I was getting ready to embark upon. When we got to the Detroit Zoo that morning (where the race was being held), we walked around to different tables that were set up by local vendors and fellow survivors. I met quite a bit of folks, told my story and even heard others’. We took our time around the course and enjoyed the zoo animals along the way, but although we had a pleasant time taking pictures and enjoying the animals, I couldn’t forget what I had set out to accomplish that day. Those very words my husband said kept replaying in my mind. As we were walking one of the very first signs I came across was the one above that asked, Did you know? Of those diagnosed with ovarian cancer approximately 10% are under the age of 40? And I thought what an interesting fact that was and how I was a part of that number.

Just about midway through the race I encountered a family who recognized me from the week before who stopped me and asked about my survivor story. She explained that her mother was the survivor and that she and her family were walking on her behalf. She told me that her mom was first diagnosed 5 years ago and in those five years it had come back three times and this last time her body was not responsive to the chemo. I offered her advice as I only knew how, which was to tell her that one, her mother was blessed because of her support, her mom was still here and as many of us know, the 5 year survivor rate decreases significantly for those with stage 3 or above ovarian cancer, so she was already a winner and finally, to keep her focus and hope on the one who can heal (God) and not the problem.

Shortly after as I was meandering through the zoo lost in my own thoughts about the story I had just heard, I happened to look up and noticed another family in front of me. What I noticed first were the signs that said: “I am walking for”. All of their signs said, “I am walking for Rachel” in various ways such as “for my daughter Rachel”, “my niece Rachel” and even “for my wife Rachel”. When I got to the one on Rachel’s’ husband I noticed that he was a younger guy which then made me look around for Rachel and I spotted a young lady who looked about my age. My mom must have noticed at the same time because she spoke up and said that I should talk to her because she looked about my age. I approached her and to be honest she seemed rather apprehensive to speak with me for some reason, but I pressed on because I knew there was a reason I had come across her and the bigger purpose of why I was there that day. In speaking with her I learned that she was a seven year survivor and had been diagnosed with the very rare form of ovarian cancer that I was. We were both diagnosed with Granulosa Cell Tumor. She was initially diagnosed at 23 and was now 30. I learned that she had found out that she had it after experiencing some pain while planning her wedding. She said she was so afraid she would lose all of her hair before her wedding, but later learned that like me, she didn’t need any chemo or radiation and would be able to keep all of her hair for her big day. She pointed to her three girls and said that she was even able to have three kids after losing one ovary. Her first child was born nine months after her surgery. We took a picture and both went on our way. I left thinking, “Wow, this is the reason I came here today”. I thought back about how she said it had been 7 years and just last month she was deemed as cured and her doctors had kicked her out. God is so good. I’m thankful that I crossed paths with her; someone in my age group, someone who was diagnosed with the same form of ovarian cancer, someone who has done something I also desire, to conceive naturally, and finally, someone who fell within the confines of the 10% under 40, but now defined as cured.

I dedicate this post to my husband because he’s my biggest advocate and truly a blessing. I’m so thankful to him and his leadership that pushed me to go on the walk to meet survivors and families of survivors.

 

Rachel and I

 

Until there's a TEST, awareness is BEST!

This past weekend I walked my first ever 5k and more importantly, I walked as a survivor! I walked the 5K with family and friends at the 4th annual Turn The Village Teal event in honor of National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month. It’s hard to express how I felt. Leading up to the day of the race it hit me that I was walking to bring awareness and to raise money for a disease that has changed my life forever. What hit me the most however, was that I realized that I am still here to walk on my own behalf while there were hundreds of others walking on behalf of someone they had lost. The day of the race I had that same zeal. I got up very early without hesitation even though it was a rainy Saturday. When I arrived on location I got many stares and questions because of my T-shirt that said, “I wear teal for me.” Some of the questions I was met with were; Where did you get that shirt? Did you make it? And the one I think I got the most was Are you really saying you wear teal for YOU or is that for someone else? I excitedly responded that this was for me. There were many questions that followed because it seemed that people really didn’t believe it was for me. When I told them my story which included that I was just diagnosed in February and that I had two surgeries at the beginning of this year, they really couldn’t believe me. I explained that I don’t look like what I have been through and reminded them that my help and joy comes from the Lord.

Many of my friends and family have joined me and supported me throughout my entire journey, and this day was no different. They all truly showed up and out.

Once the race began I started with a steady pace so I could continue with the same momentum throughout it. I did not prepare for it at all. I can recall halfway through it that I wanted to give up because my muscles had grown tired and I was certainly out of breath. I kept pushing myself because I knew that I had the privilege and blessing to even be there, to walk on my own behalf, and to be a survivor of the deadliest gynecologic cancer. I looked down at the signs that were put down by MIOCA (MI Ovarian Cancer Alliance) that included the symptoms that prior to diagnosis I didn’t know I had because they are silent and often misdiagnosed. I realized I was the youngest survivor and the only African American survivor there and because of those facts I kept going.

When I finally made it to the finish line I couldn’t believe I had done it! Prior to this diagnosis you couldn’t have got me up early on a Saturday to walk. Certainly not in the rain. And to successfully complete 3.1 miles! But it was as I was walking that I realized why I was doing everything I am including this blog and freely sharing with total strangers my story, not only online, but in person because like the sign says, Until There Is A Test Awareness is Best.

Thanks again to my friends and family that supported me that day with their participation in the Turn the Village Teal event and those that donated to the cause.

Check out some pictures of my dearest friends and family along with fellow survivors I met at the event!

EARLY DETECTION IS KEY!

 

⁷ Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. ⁸ To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, ⁹ to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, ¹⁰ to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,^[a] and to still another the interpretation of tongues.^{[b] 11} All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines. 1 Corinthians 12: 7-11

I'd like to start from the beginning. It was October of last year and I was feeling pretty normal. At least what was normal for me, nothing to cause any concern or alarm. My mom called and invited me to a cancer event that was honoring my aunt. I mulled over whether I was going to go up until the week of the event. I settled on going the night before. This aunt I speak of was diagnosed and beat lung cancer nearly 9 years ago. What a blessing! The event was honoring survivors of all forms of cancers and they were each given the opportunity to tell their story. At this time other than supporting my aunt I really couldn't relate. Yes, it had come to my neighborhood, but never knocked on my door. However, what I noticed with each and every survivor, or those speaking on their behalf, was that there was one common theme and phrase. That phrase was "Early Detection is Key!" I must admit I was blessed by the event and certainly didn't know how or why the information learned that day would be beneficial to me much later. A week went by and with the urging of the Holy Spirit I could hear him say to make a doctor’s appointment. I thought to myself, well I feel fine, but what kept replaying in my mind was Early Detection is Key. So with that along with my mom and husband constantly pushing me to the doctor, I made an appointment which was scheduled for the end of October. I was surprised how soon I was able to get in to the doctor since it was my first visit. I decided that I needed a new primary and OBGYN doctor because I honestly didn't think the ones I had in the past were thorough enough. My mom referred me to both of her doctors which she raved about and I now know why. 

It was a routine primary care visit, but she was very thorough with going over family issues and unlike previous experiences, I felt comfortable talking with this doctor. At this appointment I shared with her my concerns with my weight and this is where the ball got rolling. I shared with her how I had put on nearly 100 pounds in four years, how at that time and previously I worked out 5-6 days a week and cleaned up my eating, but somehow the scale never budge. I even shared how my cycles were not normal, mostly only occurring every 6 months. We talked even about my facial hair growth. After intently listening she said that she was pretty sure that I had PCOS, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. She briefly covered what it meant, printed off additional information for me to read at home about it and wrote me a prescription for metformin, which she was sure would help me lose weight and help with my irregular cycles. I left that day not knowing how to feel. Should I be happy that I found out the problem and the solution possibly to my weight gain or was this just the beginning of uncovering many more problems that could arise as a result of living with PCOS? I was sure to find out soon either way as I had an annual appointment scheduled the next month with a new OBGYN.  

 

To be continued....

It Wasn’t a Dream…It Was MY Reality….

 

 

Jesus answered them, “Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen. And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”-Matthew 21:21-22

 I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at age 25 and it came as a complete shock. No known family history of it although cancer does run on both sides of my maternal family. I never would have guessed, however, that it would have come knocking on my door and certainly never so soon.

 
I can recall the day I woke up from surgery to biopsy a solid mass tumor on my left ovary which they had no clue would be malignant. It seems they called me 10 times to wake me up out of a deep sleep from the anesthesia even going so far as slapping me right out of that fog. Once I finally halfway opened my eyes I stared up at a total of 5 nurses all asking a variety of questions including do I have any known history of cancer in my family? If so, when were they diagnosed? What forms of cancer? It was at that moment on February 23^rd that I knew I had  cancer and like those nurses I had so many questions, but I couldn’t seem to awaken from this dream that soon became my reality.